Queer spirituality is nothing special; queer spirituality is so special
Michelle and I have been holding (really carefully, confusedly, unknowingly) how best to just say some things out loud about our own story(s). If you’re queer, you might get that. If you’re human, you might get that.
There is a Knowing in us that Miracle & Mystery have opened up to us in free and life-affirming ways because we have found our way to being True to this part of ourselves.
We don’t feel ashamed or uncertain, guilty or unholy. We are not shameful, guilty, or unholy. No one is more surprised by this than we are (the dictates of our past kept us stuck in some pretty ugly thinking for a long, long time).
Our understanding of sexuality is ever-expanding, and it is so limited by our tiny human brains: Sexual and gender identity get tangled up in all of this wondering. Add spirituality into the conversation and it can feel a little muddy! In fact, for some to talk about spirituality and sexuality in the same sentence could cause a twitch of the profane, or the heretical.
Could it be that sexuality is not so simple as “sex,” or “intercourse.” Could sexuality be about about the thrum of life and energy and creativity that reverberates through us all? ‘The love of nature, the arts, music, carving ice or a tree stump, or running a marathon. Whatever makes you come alive with longing and pleasure and, “Ooooh, I want to be/make that!” Sexuality. Human, growing, healing, generative Us-ness — not to be diminished to one physical act, or even our individual preferences for that act.
About sexuality, Audre Lorde says,
It is the deepest life force — a force which moves us toward living in a fundamental way…(it is) creative power and harmony…The sharing of joy, whether physical, emotional, psychic, or intellectual, forming a bridge between the sharers which can be the basis for understanding much of what is not shared and lessens the threat of (our) differences. It can give us the energy to pursue genuine change within the world.
Audre Lorde, Sister Outsider: Essays & Speeches
Becoming Human is a layered, entangled, and hope-filled coming awake. Queer spirituality is…well…the spirituality of those of us who identify as 2SLGBQTIA+ and for whom the experience of sexuality is simply one part of our overall Being. Queer spirituality, straight spirituality: we are all spiritual, sensual, thinking, feeling, seeking, looking-for-belonging beings.
What this means for you here at Still Lake
Being Queer and religious has not been (is not?) a safe thing to be. At best? You’re a “sinner” loved despite your sin. At worst? You might experience the violence of emotional, psychological, and spiritual abuse or excommunication — of physical violence, or the threat of the same. This holds true across most religious traditions.
Spiritual abuse is something we hear a lot about in the listening chair. I (Sandra) have had an enmeshed, crippling, and ever-healing relationship with it myself. If you identify as 2SLGBTQIA+, you may understand this kind of scathing, judgment-soaked discrimination in a way that is specific to the queer community.
At best, being a person of faith and queer has (possibly via a long and winding, prickly, trip-you-up path) led you to spaces of inclusion, acceptance, affirmation, and true belonging.
What would it be like to be part of a listening community where you need neither explain nor defend yourself? A space where it is understood that you are made queerfully. Wonderfully. You are By Design. However that might storm and form and re-form over a lifetime.
You are By Design.
If “by design” is too limiting an understanding of whatever/whomever “God” might be for you right now, we hear that. I suppose what we’re saying here is that you are not Other. You are not some flaw or broken link in an evolutionary process, or a result of some kind of “fall” into “sin.”
Maybe another (better?) way to say it is that you are On Purpose. Or, at least as much on purpose as any other critter crawling, swimming, snarling, and loving on the planet? Perhaps this is part of queer spirituality? An identifying with the Oneing, the All of what Is. Not a blight or a problem to be solved. Queer spirituality may be, at its heart, an acknowledging that we are simply part of what is. And it is Good.
Maybe that all comes into the conversation when you engage in one-on-one care with a spiritual director. Or, perhaps it doesn’t need to be named at all. You are You. That is enough. We believe you when you tell us who you are (thank you for that language, dear R.A.S!). “Queer spiritualty,” then, is simply spirituality for the human You!
Perhaps the reality that we, too, are Something queer and Something spiritual can offer a slightly safe(er) space making? Maybe you don’t need that reassurance at all. However you come to this place, you are welcome. All the parts of you. Just as you are.
Curious to learn more about how spiritual direction might serve you? Reach out!
What you won’t find here
Conversion.
You will not find “conversion” here in any shape.
Conversion therapy.
Conversion to a way of thinking or believing. Transformation or formation? Oh, yes! Are there systems and beliefs that are breaking your heart and keeping you stuck? ‘Systems that you are climbing, clamoring, and repairing your way out of? You may find your way in to some expansive, free, non-anxious new ways of being with your funny, creative, intelligent, wise Self.
If you are in search of a theological debate, we’re probably not your gals. A theological deepening or unpacking or deconstructing? We are right here to wonder together. In this, as in all things, we position ourselves as co-learners. But we aren’t here to squabble about queer spirituality (or queerness in general), morality, or the like.
You might notice an absence of politically charged language here. Whatever our feelings about justice might be (and we do have feelings!), our way of being with them is intentional in its focus: We are here to companion through listening. To hold story.
There is space here for those who simply cannot wrap their God-loving hearts and minds around, “The problem with these gays…!” Or, stated another way, there is space here for those who have not known how to find a place for queer identities, labels, or individuals in their own spiritual journey.
Or for those who thought that way once, but now know that someone they love identifies as queer. And they really do wish to love their people fully.
Or with those who have been closeted, dissociated, or silenced in their own queerness for a lifetime.
And with those who are simply living. As themselves. In all of the ways.
So, you won’t find a slammed door. But you also won’t find a platform for abuse, discriminatory, exclusionary, or bullying language. One of our group pillars of safety is to meet contradictions of opinion with Wonder: we expect that from all of our participants. Where we are different, we become curious and trusting. Co-learners.
As with all things, if this doesn’t sit right, reach out
Our personal journeys into Self Knowing (in part, our own “queer spirituality”) have been gradual. In some ways, we’ve become strangers to our former selves; we are more awake and alive now than we ever imagined possible.
Anais Nin says, “…and the day came when the risk to remain tight in the bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.” Does that resonate with you, too? Or perhaps you, like some of the people we love so deeply, are just frustrated that we’re having this conversation at all. You’re straight and you wonder why the gays are making all of this noise! Or, you’re queer and you wonder why you can’t simply live and love with the freedom expected by any who are not-queer.
Pages could be filled with thoughts and confessions and complications on this. But for now, know this: We believe you when you tell us who you are. A Human Becoming. By Design (On Purpose).
Join us for Queerly Unfiltered, or connect to learn more about how we might companion you on your own path to wholeness, alignment, peace, equanimity.